Today i just had to get out of the Akatsuki HQ because as you know know and I ranted Kakuzu stinks like hell.  So i figured it would be a perfect chance to spread my lords message.

So i'm going to some bumble fuck no where town going door to door and praying before i knock because sadly i'm trying to spread my lords message and they need to be alive for that. So i go to the first little house which looks exactly like any other house in this sad little town of well i didn't catch the name i had a schedule to keep.  So i'm knocking on the door and a cute little old lady comes to the door and i hand her a brochure (i made it myself) and i give her the whole deal top to bottom.  IT went roughly like this...
Hello my name is Hidan im a follower of our great lord Jashin could i ask you a few questions? and the old lady is like sure i have time (probably due to the horrible case of old she had). SO i continue,  Do you have a lord? and she goes quiet and starts to close the door a bit and i'm thinking OH NO SHE DIDN'T.  and so i put my foot in the door and shes like i have to answer the phone sorry i cant talk(i heard no phone) so i move my foot and she closes the door so i chop that shit down and now im a touch mad so i'm like "HEY BITCH I BELIEVE I ASKED YOU A QUESTION"!! and she get all scared and is like LORD JESUS SAVE ME!!, at this point im a touch mad cause whats Jesus hes got nothing on Jashin even Jashins name is longer. So i take a deep breath and im like "hey you should switch to jashin" and i give her the run down about how our lord loves it when you slaughter people and that he will make you more than  you could ever imagine. by this time she ran for the phone and called someone(see i knew she didnt have a call).  IM getting a little more angry cause this is taking like 20 minutes and it should have taken 5 so i pull out a picture of Gods puke (Kisame)and show her "This man loves jesus DO YOU WANT TO END UP LIKE THIS" I figured this would help cause noone wants to look like that.  But shes still not saying anything just crying and telling me to take whatever i want and go.
    I didnt want her money just to give her soul to Jashin so i pray and thank jashin for what im about to do and so i grab her and walk outside to my surprise meet some Ninja (go figure they had such a quick response time in a town like this).  I explain to the shinobi that im hear spreading the word of Jashin and all i get is "JESUS CHRIST HES GOT A WEAPON"!!!.  IM now im super pissed and im swearing and yelling about how Jesus is a punk and doesn't even show his greatness everyone just crys and bows.  Jashin just asks that we kill.  so im done talking to these people at this point so i walk to some open ground still dragging the old lady mind you and draw Jashins symbol in the ground and slash the lady just to draw a little blood and I continue.  "ok so are you going to listen to me and convert or what"? No answer.  so i shrug and im like fuck it i dont have to deal with this shit anymore so i lick the blood and do my magic act (which is awesome every time i do it love the look on peoples faces) and every one shreaking and yelling.  and i let go of the old lady who starts to run toward the ninjas so i stab myself in the side and watch her fall and so the ninja start throwing shit at me cause well i did cut her.  and I LAUGH SO HARD cause im flailing and its hurting like shit but then i just watch the old lady twitch and go limp and im like "look see that is Jashins work beautiful in every way"  But they just started freakin out like everyone one and one dudes like im sorry im sorry i will follow Jashin and so i cool down cause thats what im here to do. so i make him come to me and im like ok heres what you do and i whisper in his ear to kill all the other dudes and hes taken a back a bit which is so stupid did he just not get the idea that Jashin wants us to kill so i hand him a brochure and nudge him towards his friends.  He says some im sorrys and hits one in the leg.  THE FREAKING LEG THAT WONT KILL A GUY AND I DONT HAVE ALL DAY TO STAND AND WATCH SOME KID FUCK THIS UP SO I SHOW HIM HOW ITS DONE. 
    Now the dudes crying probably happy at watching Jashins message be spread so truly and completly.  So i lean over to sparky(thats what i decided to call him i always like that one cartoon with that little mouse thing) and i tell him to come with me. But he wont get up hes just laying there sobbing so i drag him back to the ol HQ and show him to KAKUZU.  Let me tell you he didnt much care.  WHICH put me back up to pissed mode 9 and we are having our argument when the fish stick comes peaking into the door with captain artsy fartsy (Deidara) and try to difuse the situation which  Kakuzu just wasn't having so he pushes them out the door and closes it and kills sparky.  I just stopped and stared for a moment then while still looking at the body handed him a brocure.  He would make a good messenger for Jashin though his greed needs to be turned down a bit.

Moral of the story old ladies, art school drop outs, and fish don't make good candidates to spread the word of Jashin.